Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
