i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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