My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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