don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
