the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
