You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
