and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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