I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
