I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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