This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
