i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
