we have officially lost it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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