there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
