He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
