If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
