My nipple is on Facebook.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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