just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
