this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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