I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
