I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
