please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
