we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
