Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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