ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
