she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
organizing the empties. That sober.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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