I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
