11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
