everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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