you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
