I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
