I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
