And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
