Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
