all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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