One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
