So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
