never play flip cup with pint glasses
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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