They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
