I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
