I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
