Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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