What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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