I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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