He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
