I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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