I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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