I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He better not be in your backpack
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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