I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
