and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
