and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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