Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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