I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize