now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
