imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
