Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
