Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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