JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
