all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
