champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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