The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
