Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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