I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
