I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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