Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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