I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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