Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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