Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
